Glimpses of grief from my journal after losing Calvin, our first son, May 5, 1994.
I bought this journal almost three weeks ago to write down my thoughts and feelings about you. I didn’t know what to write and was putting so much thought into how I should begin writing my feelings about you. Today seems an appropriate day to begin as it has been one month since your birth and death. I miss you so very much and it has been a hard day. I wanted so much to just stay in bed and not get up today but it is a beautiful day. It is as if you made this day bright and beautiful to help me.
There is more to this entry but these were the first few lines in this special journal, dedicated to my son. It took me three weeks to finally write on its blank pages. I felt the same emptiness these pages reflected back… nothing, empty, bare. No wonder it took me so long to write. I can’t help but wonder, was their comfort in even staring at the blank white pages?
I’m so glad I took the time to write as I moved with my grief. Journaling has been a part of my life since I was 8 years old and I got that first pink Holly Hobbie locked diary. Writing allows us to express what’s living within us. Our emotions need an outlet, writing is one. Have you heard… emotions are energy in motion? If you don’t allow them a channel to move through, they become stuck within us.
When we grieve there is a film over everything, we are in a fog of every emotion imaginable.
In almost every entry I wrote… you will never be forgotten! Now, I reread the words, page after page, that honor the deep love for my son, and they comfort me. I remember the grief and see how far I’ve come AND… how I honored my promise to Calvin, that he has never nor ever will be forgotten.
Journaling can be a beautiful companion and comfort when you’re grieving.
Prompts & Ideas
- Pick up a journal dedicated to your beloved and your journey with grief.
- Write letters to your loved one.
- What emotions want to be seen and heard?
- Write to sadness, anger, despair, rage – thank them or tell them off, there are no rules
- Ask the emotion how it is here to help you. Despair, how are you here to help me? To remind you to rest and wrap up in a blanket. To ask for help.
This is the first in a series of several personal stories and prompts for writing with grief. Thank you for being here. I hope to be a light in the dark, sharing stories of hope and healing, as you walk with grief.
Initial Instagram Post :: #journalingforcomfort #beingwithgrief #lightduringdarktimes #youarenotalone #stillbornbutstillborn #pregnancylosssupport #pailsupport